Day 8: A moment you felt most satisfied with your life.

This is hard for me. I can't off the top of my head think of a particularly satisfied. Would it be sad if I said something related to video games? It would wouldn't it. Nothing springs to mind for that either though. So I will stop thinking in case something sad does come up.

Let me philosophise here. By that I mean cheat. I think I am satisfied with the small things in life. Like having a good meal. You know the kind when you finished it and it just fills you and wasn't too much. You always say it was a good portion like the chef knew but it all really depends on how hungry you were when you started. Best finished with chocolate fudge cake I find.

Okay okay that was pretty crap. It is sad to say but there was times when I felt satisfied with my life. I don't want to think back on them but when I do I don't feel sad. My last relationship was mostly a happy one. There was times when I was really happy. Like cooking together or having an expensive picnic on a great day. I wouldn't ever say I was satisfied with my life though. While it was great at the time, if I thought about what was just ahead of us it would break the illusion.

Although who could truly say they are satisfied. I am a greedy person. It is very hard to satisfy me. This may not seem obvious but it is how I think. My greed is to have people around me. I can never have enough friends. I can never know enough about people or understand them well enough. People are far too fascinating to stop understanding. And the little unique ways different people act.

I am not trying to put it in a warm fuzzy way. I am saying greed because I want to understand in a cold calculated way. To strip it of emotion and look at it technically. I will be satisfied when I can again understand someone on a deep level. A level when you can see right through it all. When a person whole personality is laid bare before you and you can truly understand each other fully for that single moment.

What a silly thing to desire though. I have achieved it once before. I know the exact moment. Where I could see everything in a persons face. Nothing hidden, all the hopes, dreams and insecurities were made obvious to us. The look that says it all. When there is no reason to act or put on a brave face. It was when I parted ways at the airport with my last love. To not see each other for a year. It was an amazing moment but was more tragic than anything else.

I guess since it never ended well it makes sense that I think I won't be satisfied till I get back to that point. I guess everything leading up to that was the peak of my life so far. The most satisfied I have felt with my life. Just I can't look back on it and be satisfied any longer.

Why didn't I just think about a video game?